Old school Easter eggs.
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* samlak EPISODE 1
*
I waited patiently as the phone
loaded slowly due to the
poor network. Believe me, network is
always very slow
whenever one wants to check result.
It was my third post UTME in the
prestigious Obafemi
Awolowo University. My first and
second post UTME result
was 168 and 199 respectively, i could
remember vividly that
my mum (who gathered money from
her petty trade of
fruits) said to me having seen my
second trial result “If only
they were so nice to add one mark,
you would have gotten
200″.
Well, she was very sad, but she still
encouraged me (without
even talking about the money with
which she obtained the
form for me). She just said that i
should try more, she said ”
ti esin ba da ni, a maan tun gun ni”
which means that; when
a horse makes one fall, we try
climbing again. . .
I was so lost in thought, all i could
think of was my mum
who had been struggling to make me
someone in life. She
has been doing all these alone since i
lost my father when i
was ten in a fatal accident along
Lagos-Ibadan express way
(that was some 8 years back). Since
I’m the only child, she
has only shown me so much care and
affection, and i can’t
afford to fail post utme the third
time. . .
All these was going through my mind,
and my thoughts were
too crowded to notice that the result
has loaded, and is right
on the screen staring at me. I
snapped out of my thoughts to
discover that ‘the bridegroom’ is
here, all i needed to do was
to ‘zoom’ on my outdated Blackberry
tour that i bought
(3000 Naira, UK used) with my life
savings. Trembling with so
much fear, i pressed the middle key,
there came my result. I
looked at it, and behold. . . .
*
What exactly did he score?
Find out in Episode two.
2016-11-02 00:39 · Reply · (0)
* samlak * samlak The Painful Pleasure (TPP)
*
EPISODE 2
*
Trembling with so much fear, i
pressed the middle key, there
came my result. I looked at it, and
behold, it was ‘255’.
I shouted so loud, that my mum
heard my voice in the shop
“Thank you Jesus” I couldn’t believe
my eyes, with a JAMB
score of 235, that is an aggregate
(Jamb+postutme divided
by 2) of 245 which is enough to
study microbiology (my first
choice) since the cutoff for
microbiology the previous year
was 240.
I started rolling on the floor with so
much Joy. My mother
(who had heard my voice earlier)
came in. “Dapo what is it”
she enquired. I just gave my phone
to her, then she saw my
result, no adjective can qualify the
look on her face on that
fateful day, she was just too happy
as she didn’t know what
to say. She opened her mouth, and
what came out was “ose
oko mi” as tears of joy started
rolling down her both chicks.
This means; “thank you my husband”.
(This is how Yoruba
mothers do when they are very happy
with you, they call
you “oko mi” which means “my
husband”)
Well, I’m her husband, since she has
lost her husband since
8 years and I’m the only one she
has. “I knew you will make
it”, she said to me, hugging me tight
with so much Joy. She
went to the market, bought life-
chicken, killed and fried for
me. I ate the chiken with garri,
garnished with sugar and
milk (that was the best meal i had
that year). My mum was
so happy, indeed that day was the
happiest day of my life.
All these happened August 12 2010,
and by November, the
admission list was out and as
expected, i was given my
course of choice- Microbiology.
For those in OAU, you will agree with
me that OAU is a
university that gives you admission
today, and then you
resume in ten years time (that’s
just exaggeration o). I saw
my admission status in November,
and we were to resume
June of the following year, because
there was ASUU strike
then which disrupted the school
callendar. Well, it’s an
advantage for me, since it would give
my mum enough time
to source for my fees.
So my mum did all she could, and got
the fees, what a
wonderful woman she is. Though that
period appeared to be
so slow, because i had waited for
years at home and can’t
wait to resume school. As long as it
seems, the day drew
near and it was just a month to
resumption.
Behold, it was time for online
registeration, i couldn’t do it
on my phone because it includes
uploading of scanned
WAEC/NECO result, birth
certificate, signature and the likes.
So i had to go to the Cafe. So i went
to ‘God’s Grace’ (A
famous cafe in Apata, Ibadan) to
upload my WAEC result
which was full of C’s and just 2 B’s
(It wasn’t bad anyway)
and other documents. When i got
there i discovered that
there were 5 people already waiting
to do that same online
registration. That was where i met
Sandra.
*
Who is Sandra? Find out in Episode
3
2016-11-02 00:42 · Reply · (-1)
* samlak * samlak The Painful Pleasure (By TPP)
*
EPISODE 3
*
Since they all came before me, i just
had to wait till they are
done with theirs.
I sat down with the other four
people on a long bench. “How
much is the registration?” I asked
the young girl sitting next
to me (who looked quite pretty),
“good afternoon” she
answered. “Please pardon my
manners, that should have
been my line.” I said to her. She
answered and said, “No
problem anyway, i didn’t mean it
that way, i just greeted you
because i felt i had to, there is no
big deal. Anyway, the guy
said the registration is 1000 naira
with printing.”
The price seemed quite much, but i
didn’t want to create a
seen or be a nuisance since that’s
what all others paid. So
while we were waiting, i just enjoyed
a conversation with
that pretty young girl beside me.
Me: So you are here to do your
registration too?
Girl: Obviously, what else would i be
doing in a cafe?
Me: You could be trying to browse
the internet or
something.
Girl: So if that’s what I’m here for,
will i be waiting for those
guys to be through with their
registration?
Me: That’s true (nodding my head in
agreement ), since we
started talking, you’ve only asked
questions. So, should i call
you miss question?
Girl: You don’t have to call me that,
because i have a name
(smiling).
Me: So with this your beauty, your
name must be princess.
Girl: (Blushing) Don’t wine me joor.
(now smiling like
sobosobo) I’m not princess o, I’m
Sandra. So what’s your
name, Prince?
Me: Prince ke, my name is Dapo o.
Its nice meeting you
(stretching my hands to shake her)
Sandra: The pleasure is mine
(shaking hands with me). .
We talked on and on, and she told me
that she was admitted
to study philosophy. I waited until it
was my turn, then I did
my registration. Sandra left and
waved me, “see you in
school” she said. i waved her back,
and she smiled from
afar. It was when i saw that smile
that it occurred to me that
i should have asked for her number.
But it was too late, she
had gone already. “I may never see
her again.” I said to
myself. I just forgot about her since
we have more than
25,000 people in OAU.
I finished my registration and went
back home, preparing
for school.
*
What happened next? Find out in
Episode 4.
2016-11-02 00:45 · Reply · (0)
* samlak * samlak The Painful Pleasure (By TPP)
*
EPISODE 4
*
Preparation was in top gear for
resumption. My mum
surprised me when she bought ‘born-
vita’ and peak milk. “I
appreciate your efforts but we don’t
even eat this at home
maami, you don’t have to buy all
this. We are not that rich
and you know it, the money you used
for this provision, you
could have kept it for something
else.” I humbly protested.
She replied immediately ” If i don’t
buy this for you who else
will i buy it for? All my discomfort,
is it not for your comfort,
i toil day and night so that you dont
have to do that. Over
my dead body will you go to school
without provisions. I
want you to be alright, i want you to
enjoy life, “soo gbo oko
mi”, just try and understand me.”
When she had finished saying all
these things, all i could see
was a mother who was willing to
sacrifice her life for her
son, who was willing to sacrifice her
happiness for her son’s.
I was so touched, and didn’t even
know what to say, than to
say thank you ma. I drew closer to
her gave her a hug, and
with tears rolling down my chicks i
said “I will never let you
down maami.” She replied saying “I
trust you son, i know
you won’t.”
Though my mum was so happy that i
finally gained the long
awaited admission, but she still can’t
believe that her one
and only son will leave her to go to
Ile-Ife. But what can the
poor woman do, will she ask me not to
go? Hell no! She
won’t do that, she was as happy as i
was as far as the
admission is concerned. I thought for
a while and then i
started having mixed feelings as
regards the admission.
“Well it’s not like I’m going for life,
i consoled myself.
The resumption date was clearly
stated- 13th of June 2011.
Well, i had less than a week to go and
i was so ready to face
the new life, meet new people, learn
new things, unlearn
some things, teach people stuffs,
correct wrong impressions
and become new.
People were giving me money from
different angles. “Pele o,
omo ile-iwe gba koo fi se owo oko.”
They were always
tipping me, and my mum won’t stop
telling them about my
going to school. “Omo yin n lo school
ni next week o” which
means: your child is going to school
next week. Am i really
their child? No I’m not, but Yoruba
people have funny ways
of talking e.g “se o ti ri aburo e.”
This means: have you seen
your younger sibling, when you are
probably from Ibadan,
and the person being referred to as
your sibling is from
Kaduna. But i actually enjoy the
whole stuff, because once
they call me someone’s child, that
person must ‘shake
body’ (meaning the person must give
me money). Since my
father is no more, “whoever gives me
money is my father
jare” i said, smiling.
The day finally came, and all i had
to carry was my ‘2 by 6’
mattress, the few clothes i have, my
provisions, and some
food items (garri in particular). And
i headed straight to the
Bus-Stop.
*
What happened next? Find out in
Episode 5.
2016-11-02 00:53 · Reply · (0)
* samlak * samlak The Painful Pleasure (By TPP)
*
EPISODE 5
*
Since we lived in the outskirts of
Ibadan, i had to board two
different taxis to get to Iwo-Road
(like the extreme end of
the city, where you get buses going
to other parts of the
country). My mum followed me to
Apata where i took a taxi
going to challenge, she waved at me
and smiled with tears
(who does that). I waved at her and i
rememberd the ‘ranti
omo eni to nse’ speech. This means:
remember the son of
whom you are.
You guys know what I’m talking
about, there is no one in
Nigeria that won’t hear this speech
from either or both
parents when going to the university.
These includes stuffs
like:
1. Koju mowe e o: face your studies
2. Ma ko egbe kegbe o: Don’t keep
bad company
3. Ma kobirin o: Don’t follow girls
e.t.c.
But since my mum knew me to be
someone that doesn’t
really like ladies, since i don’t talk
to girls in the area, only 1
and 2 above was applicable to me.
To cut the long story short, i got to
Iwo road, and i gave a
small boy 100 Naira to carry my load
for me with his wheel
barrow. I could have carried it
myself, but i just felt that if
everyone should think that way, how
will the poor boy get
his means of livelihood? “At least he
is better than those
guys with no physical disabilities who
beg around.” I said to
myself.
Iwent to the Bus, and seeing my
load, the driver said briskly
“E maaa sanwo eru o.” Which means i
will have to pay extra
for my luggage. I nodded my head in
agreement, and asked
him how much that was, he said 200
Naira, after so much
bargaining, and so much chastisement
by the other
passengers, he agreed to take 100
Naira, so with 400 fare,
that will be 500 all together. “Its
not that bad.” I. said to
myself.
So we were waiting for the bus to
get filled. You know those
guys now, they won’t move an inch
until the bus is full. I sat
at the third row as the bus has five
rows. I would have sat at
the second row but the driver had
told us that three people
will sit on a row, except the second
row where four people
will sit. Why he said that i didn’t
know, and i don’t want to
know. Because i wasn’t really used to
traveling, i wouldn’t
want anything that would cause me
inconvenience.
On my row there was just one space
left as we waited
patiently. One baba with bald head
was already on my left,
“who will be my right hand traveling
partner” I wondered. . .
There she comes, my sitting partner.
As i saw her, i knew she
was also going to resume in OAU. . .
Was I right or wrong? Find out in
Episode 6
2016-11-02 00:57 · Reply · (0)
* samlak * samlak THE PAINFUL PLEASURE
*
EPISODE 6
*
“Sorry, can you please shift a bit”
the voice of this young lady
brought me back to the scene,
because i was lost in thought,
as the sight of her made me wonder
if she was a student to
be on OAU campus or not. I adjusted
my back-pack closer to
me, giving her enough space to sit
comfortably. Another
man came, and in no time, the bus
was filled up. “E sanwo
o” A man came to the window, telling
us to pay, and we did,
I just gave him 500, since that will
save me the stress of
waiting for change.
The bus was ready to move, and it
did move. I looked at my
left, i saw ‘baba apari’ (bald old
man), i looked at my right, i
saw a damsel. “Should i start a
conversation with this
beautiful lady or just keep mute “I
thought to myself, and
concluded i was going to do the
later. So i just minded my
own business, as i gently brought out
the story book ‘Romeo
and Juliet by William Shakespeare’
out of my backpack. I
loved this story so much, though I’ve
red it thrice already, i
don’t mind reading it again. As the
sound of hooting vehicles
and that of moving cars provided the
‘sound effect’ for my
reading, I just focused, ignoring all
other things.
“So guys readthis too?” I couldn’t
believe it was the girl i
wanted to form for that finally
broke the silence. Well,
whether i believe or not, Its true,
and i had to reply her. “It’s
not for girls only, so i see no reason
why i can’t read it.” I
answered. “So you are also going to
resume in OAU?” She
asked, When i heard the word ‘also’, i
knew i cannot be more
correct in my thoughts.
Me: Yes you?
The girl: Same here. With this your
love for literature, you
must be in the arts and humanities
Me: At all, I’m in the sciences, in
fact, I’m going in for
microbiology.
The girl: Are you serious? I’m going
in for microbiology too.
Me: So, i just met my first
departmental friend (I said
looking straight into her cat eyes),
so whats the name of my
FDF?
The girl: What’s FDF?
Me: First departmental friend of
course!
The girl: You are so funny. Anyways,
the name is Moji and
you are. . .
Me: Dapo
Moji: Really? That’s my younger
brothers name.
Me: That’s great! Anyway, its nice
meeting you
Moji: Same here. . .
We continued the conversation, and
we were just choosing
topics at random. We talked about
politics, the country, the
music industry and lots of stuffs.
I’ve discovered that when
you have someone to talk to, journey
seems to be faster.
That was how i met my second mate,
and my first
departmental friend. “But wait o,
how come i haven’t met
any guy?” I said to myself. Well, at
the cafe, there were four
guys waiting to do registration, it
was only the girl i talked to
and made friends with. “I have not
even entered campus
and I’m already behaving like a girl-
freak, if i enter campus,
what will happen? When did i become
like this? I wasn’t like
this before!” I thought. To be continue.
2016-11-02 01:05 · Reply · (0)
* samlak * samlak The Painful Pleasure
*
EPISODE 7
*
To cut the long story short, we
finally got to ‘Campus gate’ in
Ife. I alighted from the bus with my
‘FDF’, and took my load.
Carrying them was not so easy, so
Moji offered to carry one
for me, but i told her not to worry.
I saw a large bill board that has
“WELCOME TO OBAFEMI
AWOLOWO UNIVERSITY ILE IFE”
boldly written on It, with the
motto “FOR LEARNING AND
CULTURE” written underneath. I
was quite shocked when i saw the
logo, it was the statue of a
woman, with book on her head. “Does
this mean we will
have to read and cram like mad?” I
said to Moji, who
laughed at me like i didn’t know
what i was saying. “The
statue represents culture, and the
book depicts learning as
the motto states” She answered,
clearing my ignorance. I
was so surprised that she knew that,
since we were both
‘freshers’, so i asked her how she
knew that. “My dad
graduated from OAU.”She Answered.
We entered the school gate, and took
a bus into campus. As
we were in the bus, i thought to
myself, “I won’t want to
make the same mistake i made with
Sandra. This one, i must
surely get her my number. So i gave
her my (palasa) phone
boldly and said to her. “Something is
wrong with my phone,
can you help fix it?” She looked at
me like I didn’t know what
i was saying, collecting the phone
from me. “What is it?” she
asked. Looking at her like ‘lucosade’,
i answered and said.
“Your number is not in it”. She
laugged hysterically, and i
joined in the laughter. Then she said
“you are so funny,
simple ‘can i have your number will
do the trick.’ She took
the phone, and pressed in some 11
digits.
Though, my phone wasn’t quite cool,
all the keys were
functioning properly and i was so
proud of it. I was given
bedspace in Awolowo Hall, while Moji
was given in
Mozambique Hall. So i came down
from the Bus before her.
Because there is still a turn before
getting to her hostel. I
waved at her, and said “see ya” she
smiled and replied
same. This is not like Sandra’s case
where i wasn’t sure i was
going to see her again. Even if i
didn’t take Moji’s number,
we were in the same department
anyway.
I entered my hostel, it was quite
crowdy, as people were
going up and down, dragging bags
and lockers. Indeed,
school had resumed.
*
What next? Find out in episode 8
2016-11-02 01:08 · Reply · (0)
* samlak * samlak The Painful Pleasure
*
EPISODE 8
*
“Block 2, Room 109, Bed no 9, Upper
Bunk.” That was written
on my accommodation slip, meaning;
that was the room
allocated to me, Awolowo Hall is so
Big that i almost got lost,
looking for ‘Block 2’, but after
questioning so many people, i
got to my room. That was when i met
‘Nigga Black’.
‘Nigga Black’, whose real name was
Emmanuel was a part 3
student of psychology. Seriously, i
have never seen someone
so dark. You cannot see him and not
notice his ‘darkness’.
We call him other names like: Albino,
Kiwi Ambassador,
Black Maria etc. But he was just
dark on the outside, he had
a pure heart. So calm, so gentle,
never offended and easy
going.
‘Nigga Black’ took my load from me,
and showed me to my
bedspace. I dropped my bed on it
and carefully arranged all
my load in the cupboard that was
assigned to me. It was
then that he started telling me
stuffs about campus and
hostel. He told me the story of
‘Africa’, how he was
murdered in block 8. Fear gripped
me, as he told me to calm
down, that the days of cultists where
over in OAU.
So many other people started coming
in, and here are my
room mates: Nigga Black, Mayowa (A
part one student of
CPP), Matthew (A deeper life
member, and a Direct Entry
student of Mechanical Engineering),
Olu (Final year student
of accounting) Emeka (Final year
student of Sociology) and
Abdul (Final year student of Agric
Economics)
There were three bunks in the room,
Nigga Black had been
in the room since the year before so
he just stayed in the
room, squatting with us.
There was a party then called
“Anglomoz Party”. (Anglomoz
is a place between Angola (A male
hostel mainly for
freshers) , Awolowo and Mozambique
Hall where people
(mostly boys and girls) meet to talk)
It was organized by
Awolowo hall chairman for all fresh-
men. So Mayowa
suggested that we attend the party,
then i agreed since
lecture was yet to start. It was a
night party
When we got to anglomoz, after we
had stayed for about 5
minutes, enjoying the various
activities, Someone just
covered my eyes with hands from the
back. The last time i
did that ‘rubbish’ was when i was in
primary 5. I didn’t know
what to say because i did not even
know who it was, though i
have very sensitive sense of smell
and i knew that perfume’s
smell was familiar. As i gently
removed the hands, and
turned back to see who it was.
2016-11-02 01:13 · Reply · (0)
* samlak * samlak The Painful Pleasure
*
EPISODE 9
*
As i gently removed the hands, and turned
back to see who
it was, I saw Sandra standing behind me with
that Smile of
hers. “I thought I would never see you again” I
said to her
holding her hand. “It’s a small world
remember?” She said to
me. . . I introduced her to Mayowa and they
shook hands.
The three of us stayed at a spot, and enjoyed
the opened
party.
The party was so interesting, as we enjoyed
the various
programmes. Some OAU upcoming artistes
performed,
some did a rap, others R and B. It was so much
Fun. The
popular “Jadon P” Swayed people of their feets,
this was a
guy who could create rhymes with whatever you
show him.
As if that was not enough, some girls came on
stage, shaking
their ‘backsides’ at the speed of light. Guys
were shouting
and encouraging these girls. “Who does that?
How would you
come on stage and shake your behind for 5
minutes?” I said.
“It’s called twerking.” Sandra replied. After
this, a comedian
came on stage, cracking jokes and for real,
this guy was
really hilarious. Sandra was just laughing like a
chicken.
The MCs came on stage, they wanted to do
what they called
“devil’s basket”. So they were passing a basket,
so that when
the music stops, if the basket was still with
you, you will
come out, pick a piece of paper from the basket,
and do
whatever is written in it, or pay a fine of one
thousand
Naira.
The basket went round and they stopped the
music. Guess
who was holding the basket? Sandra! I was
shocked when
the MCs shouted “come on stage”. She mounted
the stage,
picked a piece of paper and gave it to one of
the MCs, he
read it out. It reads “Bring out two guys, kiss
one, and slap
the other.” I was expecting that as a big girl,
she would pay 1
thousand, but i was extremely surprised when
she came to
Mayowa and I, and took both of us to the
stage. I was so shy,
but as a cool guy i had to compose and follow
her. I was
puzzled, because she was definitely going to
slap one of us,
and kiss the other. If she should kiss me, she
would have to
slap Mayowa, leaving Mayowa embarrassed.
And if she
should kiss Mayowa (which didn’t really seem
likely) she
would have to slap me, and i will be so
embarrassed. As we
got to the stage. . .
What did Sandra do? Who did she slap? Who did
she kiss?
*
Find out in Episode 10
2016-11-02 01:15 · Reply · (0)
* samlak * samlak The Painful Pleasure
*
Episode 10
*
As we got the stage, everything just went dark
and silent, all
the halogen lamps went off and the sound
system stopped
working. The generating plant had gone off,
what happened
to it, I really can’t understand. Some guys said
they had seen
a guy roaming around that area earlier.
Probably, the guy
poured salt into the fuel tank. But why exactly
would he
have done that? Well it’s a ‘win win’ for me.
Well, everything had gone ‘blank’, so I had to
humbly leave
the stage. Sandra was already leaving the
stage as I followed
her. Mayowa was nowhere to be found, I
thought he ran
away immediately the lights went out, since he
was at the
verge of being slapped earlier. I can’t be more
thankful for
the whole ‘black out’. Was I really going to kiss
a lady in front
of people, expecting them to clap? “The only
time that
should happen is on my wedding day, even my
mum will
clap.” I thought to myself.
People started leaving ‘anglomoz’, some were
condemning
the party, some were blaming the organizers.
Some called
the party a ‘flop’. All efforts to bring the
generator back on
was to no avail.
I just stayed with Sandra, at one corner in
Anglomoz area.
We were just ‘gisting’ in the dark (That was
around 2am). By
the time we talked to a point, the whole of
Anglomoz was
already scanty, and there were few people
there. She was
such a saucy girl, a talkative. We ran out of
things to discuss,
so we were quiet for a while.
Sandra broke the silence. “You wanna complete
the game or
pay the fine ?” She said. I was quite confused
because I
didn’t know she was referring to the ‘kiss-slap’
game. So I
asked, “what are you talking about?” She
replied briskly
before I could even finish my question. “The
devil’s basket of
course”. My heart beat became 10 times faster,
as I didn’t
know what she was up to. But I just remained
‘the man’. “It’s
just me here, and you have to slap someone and
kiss
another. How on earth do you want to go about
that?” I
asked, pretending to be cool with the whole
situation. “Wait
till you find out.” She answered. . . She stood up
stood up,
and went to a pole very close to where we sat,
and slapped
the pole twice with her left hand. “That’s the
slap, now the
kiss.” She said coming closer to me. A part of
me was saying
“do it!” and another was saying “don’t”. The
closer she came,
the more confused I was.
2016-11-02 01:18 · Reply · (0)

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